거의 비슷해

On my flight to Korea, a Korean lady sat beside me. At some point during the flight, she started talking. I turned my head towards her, thinking that she might be talking to me but she wasn't looking at me. It seemed like she was trying to find something in her handbag. By then, it was quite obvious to me that she was talking to herself. For the rest of the flight, she talked to herself several times. I wasn't surprise since I heard from Kaye many times that Koreans like to talk to themselves. Like many Singaporeans, she finds it strange but not me.

Frankly, I used to have the habit of talking to myself. It never occurred to me that it was a strange thing to do, at least not until my disturbed friend kept reminding me that I was behaving rather abnormally. As a matter of fact, I didn't talk to myself randomly and neither did I behave as if I had suffered a mental breakdown or sort. I talked to myself only when I was about to do or was engaged in doing something. In my mind, I was quite clear that I wanted to talk about my intention and action to signal to others around me, including strangers, that as a person, I meant no harm to anyone. I knew that it was unsolicited but somehow I felt compelled to speak my mind at a volume that was loud enough to be heard. I believe that you can let your guard down in front of a chatty person or a person who speaks his or her mind freely. People who have no fear of saying anything and everything are rarely sinister. Similarly, one should not be worried when someone talks to himself or herself. It could well be some sort of social signal to say that I am harmless and you need not guard against me. But say what I want, it still remains a socially unacceptable behaviour, at least in Singapore. I have since kicked the habit to conform and be "normal" again.

Two lessons ago, my Korean teacher spoke about her habit of sleeping on the floor. It was something like she will let her son sleeps on the bed while she sleeps on the floor. It is not that she has to but she likes it very much to sleep on the floor. She reasoned that as 습관 (習慣) or habit. Her habit was developed since young in Korea when she used to sleep on the floor. In an ondol room, the floor is heated up by embedded heating elements. To keep warm, Koreans will sleep on mattresses lay out on the floor. There is a good reason why Koreans do not sleep on bed. The mattress on the bed is lifted above the ground and so there is a layer of air between them. Since air is a bad conductor of heat, it is difficult to warm up the mattress on the bed and one can still feel cold despite sleeping in an ondol room.

When I heard about her habit, I was like, hey, don't I have that habit as well? I like sleeping on the floor. It wasn't too long ago before I switched to bed. My old house used to have teak parquet flooring. So it was never too cold or too warm to sleep on the floor. For a very long time, I enjoyed sleeping on the floor with just a mattress, not that there is no bed but for some unknown reason, I tend to like sleeping on the floor more. Even now, though I am sleeping on a bed, I still find sleeping on the floor much more comforting. The reason why I stop is because the flooring in my room these days are simply too cold for the good of my body. I risk suffering from bad body aches if I am to do that. Nevertheless, given the right condition, I will still prefer to sleep on floor.

In another incident at the Seoul Station, I was buying my KTX ticket to Busan at the tourist information counter when the ticketing staff got kinda curious about my nationality.

Staff: Where are you from?
Me: Singapore.
Staff: Have you been a Korean previously?
Me: No
Staff: Have you ever hold a Korean passport before?
Me: No
Staff: Are you a Kyobo?
Me: No
Staff: You look almost like a Korean. There is no way I can tell you apart.
Me: ... (don't know what to say)

I tried to verify what the staff told me with 3 Malaysian tourists at Oedo (I will write about my Oedo trip later). I recognised them as Malaysians because of their accented Mandarin. One of them approached me to take a photo for them. Apparently, she assessed that I didn't look like someone who could understand English. So she just gestured to me to take a picture for them. Since I thought she had mistaken me as a Korean, I played along. Instead of saying one, two, three, I said 하나, 둘, 셋. After I took their picture I blurted out 좋아요 (that's good). I didn't think they sensed anything amiss. Okay, so much for the cheap thrill. Anyway, there are in fact many more encounters where the Koreans just left me alone without probing into my nationality. I suspected that they weren't aware that I am not one of them in the first place. But I like it that way, not that I like to be thought as a Korean but rather I don't fancy unnecessary attention.

Sometimes, it surprises me that I am in fact very similar to Koreans down to the core. My teacher said that Koreans don't like being praised and they will deny anything good you say about them. Even if it is true that they are hardworking and are doing very well, they will still deny it. To some, this seems hypocritical but to the Koreans, it is more important to stay humble. My friend used to tell me that I am almost humble to the extent of being hypocritical. I understood his point of view so I just kept quiet. But I am very clear that I am only as good as as my last achievement and there is always room for improvement. From my perspective, I am not being a hypocrite when I say that I am not good or I am not working hard enough because my belief is that there is no upper limit to improvement. I need to stay level-headed in order to continue to improve. I appreciate people who think that I am good but I would rather that they keep this thought in their heart. Frankly, I don't like to hear praises because it put me in an awkward position. If I acknowledge the praises, I am not humble, but if I don't, I am either proud or rude and to deny it, I am a hypocrite. Whichever way, I am still worse off. While I dislike praise, I am all for encouragement. 파이팅 is music to my ears. There are many more things to be accomplished in life so I need plenty of them.

With so much said, there is probably one incident that is in total disagreement. I was supposed to meet up with a friend in Busan for lunch. She smsed me that her friend and she are going to have "hwae" (sashimi) for lunch and asked if I would like to join them. I replied that I don't take raw meat and asked them to go ahead without me. Her following reply pretty summed up everything. She wrote, !!Haha totally missing out... Okok well enjoy your day then :). Just to reiterate, the key words here are "totally missing out" and I am in total agreement with what she said. I know quite well that not being able to eat "hwae" is like missing out a large chunk of the Korean's culture. In this programme, 6시내고향, which I like to watch on the KBS World, their reporters frequently sailed out to sea with the fishermen to report about their lives and harvest. Normally after every catch, the fisherman will cut, clean and slice up the fish, squid or octopus on the spot to make hwae. After that, everyone will be seen picking up the slices, dipping them in gochujang and eating them fresh. It usually ends with thumbs-up and everyone saying 최고, 최고 (the best). As much as I want to experience the 최고 taste, I can never bring myself to swallow any raw meat. So if it is about eating hwae, I have to concede, unless of course someone is kind enough to provide me with a griller ^^;;