아쉬움

Sorak is not his real name, it is how I remember him. Sorak like thousands of Chinese students in Korea, was vying for a place in the local universities. We met at Advanced 1 Korean language class. Being a non-native speaker of Korean, he has the best command of the language among the Chinese students I knew. The secret behind his language proficiency, he mixes frequently with native Koreans and kyobos for drinks and pool at night. He drinks soju like water and consecutive day-and-night drinkings do not seem to knock him out. I am hopeless when it comes to drinking but I match him in pool. Not too bad for someone who only practises on the pool table in the dormitory while doing laundry.

If heavy drinking is not bad enough, Sorak smokes like a chimney. He may sound like a problem student whom any teacher will not like to see in their class. On the contrary, Sorak is one of the most enthusiastic Chinese students I have seen. The one-child policy in China has not created the "little emperor mentality" in him. He is hardworking and was the only Chinese students in my class who passed his university's entry interview based purely on merits. The interview was conducted entirely in Korean which made it not an easy feat. Sorak has a long-held wish - to be the valedictorian during the graduation ceremony, an honour reserved only for the most senior graduate class. He never fulfilled his wish. He left for Sungkyungwan University after completing Advanced 1 Korean language class.

At the end of our graduation ceremony, I saw Sorak standing in front of an almost emptied auditorium with an indescribable expression. Something in me told me, it was actually an expression of "아쉬움" (regret). I recalled asking my dowoomi, does 안타까움 express a greater sense of regret compared to "아쉬움". "No, I use them interchangeably", she said. It seems then, there might just be only one degree of regret, you cannot have more or less of it.

I did not realise there was a face to "아쉬움". 동생, 고마워